Relationship Reflection

Relationship Reflection: The impacts of relationships on development

"Human relationships, and the effects of relationships on relationships, are the building blocks of healthy development." (Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000)

Urie Bronfenbrenner developed the Ecological Systems Theory of Development to explain how a child's development is affected by their social relationships and the world around them. He believed that a person's development was affected by the things in their environment. Bronfenbrenner divided a person's environment into five systems. The first level is the microsystem. This is a system of relationships that are closest to the person and are the relationships that have the most direct impact. The next level is the mesosystem. It consists of interactions between the different parts of the microsystem and are the relationships that have an indirect impact on a person's development. Next, is the exosystem. This system consists of the indirect environments. It does not actively involve the person but it still affects their development. The next level is the macrosystem. It includes the cultural environment in which the person lives. Lastly, is the chronosystem. It consists of changes within the person or the environment over time. All systems influence and are influenced by each other. This framework emphasizes the importance of understanding bidirectional influences between an individual's development and their surrounding environment. 

http://www.growingupinaustralia.gov.au/pubs/reports/krq2009/images/fig2.gif

As I reflect on relationships that have impacted my development, I will use some of Bronfenbrenner's systems to think about the roles each relationship played in my life. Quality relationships are key in the development of humans. “Humans are social creatures—nurturing and stable relationships with caring adults are essential to healthy human development beginning from birth.” (Edelman, 2004)

The relationships that have had the greatest, most direct impact on my life are the ones I have within my family. I will begin with my mother, Linda. She is the beautiful women sitting at the front/center of the picture. My mother is extremely genuine. She is caring and nurturing and puts other's needs before her own. My mom was an elementary teacher for over 20 years. She was able to stay at home and raise us until I was in middle school. She was and continues to be very supportive of me. She is always there when I need her, ready to step up to any challenge that will help me to be more successful. Her authoritative caregiving style provided me guidance and independence in a responsive way. Being an educator, she knew the importance of school and emphasized that by attending my activities, reading to me, checking over my work, and helping me prepare for tests. Her nurturing approach and responsive caregiving style modeled what it was like for me to be a mother someday. To this day I find myself echoing to my own children many of the wise things she would tell us. We continue to share many similarities, especially when it comes to education. Her advice about my career, as I pursue my goals, is extremely valuable. As I continue to explore who I am and strive to be the best person I can be, I think about the significant impact my mother has already played in my life. I am extremely blessed by her!

Next is my father, Jim. He is the handsome gentleman sitting to the left of my mother. This is significant to my development because their relationship has, for the most part, been one of strong togetherness. Next year will be their 50th wedding anniversary! My dad provides a strong stability to our family. He modeled work ethic throughout his farming career and continues to participate in some of the farming needs to this day. My dad taught me the importance of hard work to get what you want in life. He knew my friends were important to me and encouraged strong relationships with those friends. He was supportive in allowing me to participate in many social events, with one time driving my friends and I three hours to a Bon Jovi concert and back home three hours all in one night. Growing up, he did not get to do a lot of extracurricular activities or attend college. He knows the value of both and always encouraged me to be active in school and to do my best. To this day my dad calls me daily just to see how I am doing. He continues to be supportive of my goals. My mom always reminds me that I married one just like my father... That always puts a smile on my face. 

I am a middle child and fully suffer for "middle-child-syndrome". My older brother, Matt, the tall gentleman in the center, and my sister, Mindy, the pretty lady at the far right, have played a significant role in my life. I would like to say that our relationship is pretty normal compared to other three-child families. We cheered each other on, competed against one another, and fought for our own independence whenever we could. Growing up on the farm, we spent a lot of time playing together outside, making up adventures. Today there is distance that separates us. We all three have very busy families and we do not get together like we should. We use electronics to keep in touch through phone calls, texting photos and videos, facebook, and snapchat to keep updated on all the happenings of the nieces and nephews. My siblings have married into loving, supportive relationships. When we are together it seems like it doesn't take long until we are all laughing like we did when we were younger!  

As a child, the relationships I had with my family, friends, school, and church and the interactions each of these have had with each other have shaped me into the adult I am today. As a wife and mother, I will next look at the relationship I have with my own family.

      
My relationship with my husband, Al is one of love, humor, and challenges. He is strong-willed, hard-working, and supportive. He cheers me on in my successes and provides a shoulder to lean or cry on when needed. Everyone enjoys the humor he brings to any conversation. We enjoy attending our children's activities and traveling to new places together. We challenge each other's thinking. Our discussions allow each of us to look at different perspectives on various subjects. Communication can be difficult, as we both have very busy schedules. We truly believe in the same things that makes life important. We value family.

My children are my world. My son Isaac, and daughters Emily and Ella are important to me. I try to raise them with an authoritative style. I encourage them to be independent, accept challenges, and try new things. We make time to talk about our day, goals we have, and the ups and downs we have experienced. Establishing a caring, healthy, responsive relationship with each of my children is very important to me. I want them to know they are valued and loved each day!

I also have a strong extended family of caring aunts, uncles, and cousins who provide me with encouragement and advice often. My friends are also very supportive of me. They encourage me to keep going, even when the going gets tough. They are supportive and step up to lend a helping hand when my family needs it. My co-workers challenge my thinking each day as we work together to make things better for our adult learners. My students' curiosity pushes me to learn and stay on top of new, innovative teaching ideas. In turn, they teach me about their lives as I gain new perspectives. They encourage me to use different technology and support me as I try new things in my courses. My fellow board members that I currently serve with share their inspiration as we work together to improve the schools we support. I have reflected on only a few of the relationships that affect my life. You can see how relationships easily impact a person's development and shape them into the person they are today. 

As you can see, I have only addressed a few of the levels of systems in Bronfenbrenner's approach. I could expand my reflection to the bidirectional influences that each of these relationships had on each other but that would take days. I am fortunate to have so many positive impacts within the strong relationships I have had.  I have learned a lot through these various relationships. I realize it is necessary to communicate openly within each relationship. Be willing to listen and share ideas. Use perspective-taking skills to realize that not everyone will see things the same way you do. Take time to listen. It is not always about you...

All of the relationships above have provided me with a foundation of what it means to develop strong partnerships in the early childhood field. Relationships must be reciprocal and responsive to the needs of others. Children, their families, teachers, administrators, and community members must be allowed to contribute their ideas and work together to meet the needs of each child. Engagement must be encouraged and valued.   

Life is busy for everyone. Make time for the people who mean the most to you. Value these relationships and let them know that they are valued. Make the time you have with others meaningful. Focus on things that are most important and do not waste time on petty things you cannot change. Find relationships with people that challenge your thinking, inspire you to be better, and listen to you as much as you listen to them. Be sure to live each day supporting and maintaining these important relationships as they are the ones who will help you develop into the person you hope to be! 

As you leave my blog today... go and make contact with an important person in your life and tell them what they mean to you!